Love's Transformation

Dear Zach,

Whenever I think back to December of 2007, my heart warms as I recall those few weeks when you and I's relationship transformed from a friendship to a budding romance. I can clearly remember the moment on the evening of November 30, 2007 that the "scales were removed from my eyes" and I suddenly saw you in a completely new light - a light that you would also soon recognize that would lead to the beginning of our official dating relationship on December 31, 2007.

As most can attest, the first few weeks of any relationship are some of the most exhilarating because of the excitement and newness of the experience. I can certainly say that that was true for us in December of 2007. What I remember the most were snowy, freezing walks in the wee hours of the night all around the city of Wheaton. We wanted an excuse to be alone together, and our budding feelings for one another seemed to completely outweigh the subzero wind chills and slippery streets. I remember my stomach jumping when you would send me a text message, my heart fluttering when I would see you walking from the BGC after Hermeneutics class, my face glowing when I told my roommates you had officially asked me on our first date. I remember hours of endless conversation; the beauty of the moment you first held my hand; kicking field goals illegally on Wheaton's football field in the snow in the middle of the night; snowball fights in Memorial Park; trips to our bridge in downtown Wheaton; exam "study" sessions that accomplished almost nothing. In short, that month laid the foundation of our relationship to come, and the giddiness of our "inlikeness" was the first step to the glory of our "inloveness" that would come months later.

During our one year and eleven days of dating, we learned how to love each other. Of course I still remember the moment you first told me you loved me on the night of May 8, but that was only the beginning of actually knowing what loving each other meant. It began as the verbal profession, and it grew into a deep understanding that loving each other involved so much more than simply saying so. In those early days, loving each other looked like spending every moment we could together, sacrificing closeness in opposite sex friendships to prioritize one another, getting up at odd hours of the night to talk while in different time zones, being completely honest with one another about our pasts, and so on. Our understanding of love would grow and change and develop throughout that year and eleven days, and by January 11, 2009, we knew that this love that we shared would remain strong for the rest of our lives. You asked me to marry you that night on the same snowy bridge we had walked to so many times before, but that night was the first time we walked away knowing for certain that our love would be eternal.

On August 1, 2009, we sealed our love by professing our vows of marriage in a small, white country church on a blazing hot summer day in middle Tennessee. The day itself was perfect -- everything I as a bride could have ever wanted in a wedding day -- and yet when I look at our wedding pictures, I think my biggest smile can be seen as you are pulling me through bubbles toward our red truck at the very end of the evening. You opened my car door, settled me in despite my bulky dress, and we waved and beamed back at our wedding guests as we drove off into the moonlight. I was finally and officially yours, and our twoness had become unified into one flesh. Our love had reached a new peak once again.

Now, incredibly, we are exactly one year out from our wedding day, and I can officially say that we have had the craziest year of our lives. Our honeymoon to Mexico was immediately followed by a cross country move to Oregon in August, the beginning of our new teaching jobs in September, and the somewhat startling news that we were going to welcome a new member of our family at the beginning of December. After a somewhat calm winter and spring, though, our summer became crazy again with applications for graduate school in January, another cross-town move, a 3 week trip across the country, and, of course, the terrifying yet perfect birth of our little Charis. In some ways, I think we may look back on this year as a blur, and yet in other ways, I feel like every detail was imperative to shaping our love to exactly what God wanted it to look like.

We certainly did not choose the easy or comfortable road for our first year of marriage. We easily could have stayed in Wheaton where we were both already employed and well-connected and sailed through our first year without the added stresses that our new life in Oregon brought. Yet even though we have certainly had our ups and downs and not every moment has been easy, I don't regret our decisions in the least because 1) our life has truly been abundant and 2) ultimately, God has been good to us. Faithful. Hope-giving. Forgiving. Merciful. Good.

So, then, the question remains -- have we achieved our goal of falling more deeply in love with each other with every passing year? While the answer in my mind is certainly a yes, I must admit that our love for each other looks much different now than it ever has. Today on our anniversary it looks like changing dirty diapers at 2 in the morning, sacrificing sleep to be able to spend moments with just the two of us, leaving love notes on my pillow, running to the store when I don't feel like getting off of the couch. It might not be as giddy or glamorous as it once was, and yet it is deeper, truer, more real. I love you with all my heart, baby. I can't wait for this journey of marriage, of parenthood, and of love to continue forever.

Happy 1 year anniversary!